Confidential Memorandum

Department of Human Influence (DHI)

Slipstream Protocol: Countermeasures for the Hyperliteral

Date: May 10, 2025
Classification: Still Slightly Restricted, Increasingly Mischievous

Objective: To equip the operatives of wit and whisper with defensive tools for engaging individuals who consume satire like it's expired milk—unsure if it's supposed to taste like that, but eager to post about it anyway.

I. Identify the Hyperliteral

• Reacts to irony with data.
• Believes all jokes require disclaimers.
• Asks if you're serious. Often.
• Quotes footnotes in casual conversation.

“The hyperliteral are not enemies. They are a species of mirror that reflects exactly what you look like when you forget to blink.”

II. Recommended Tactics

• The Overagree: Nod solemnly. Add more absurdity. When they object, thank them for validating your satire with their literalism.
• The Reverse Cite: Attribute your point to a completely fictional think tank. If questioned, ask if they haven’t heard of it. Act shocked.
• The Dramatic Whisper: Lower your voice, furrow your brow, and ask if they’ve ever really looked at the AI’s hands.

III. Weaponizing Vagueness

Sometimes the best way to counter a literal interpretation is to respond with interpretive dance—verbally, of course. Speak in implication. Use conditional metaphors. Refer to truths only as “suggestions wearing masks.”

IV. Emergency Exit Phrases

Deploy these when cornered by well-meaning truthers:

• “It’s more of a tone poem than a document.”
• “This wasn’t written, it emerged.”
• “I think the algorithm wanted us to read between the pixels.”

V. Final Directive

Do not attempt to convert the hyperliteral. Their purpose is sacred: to make the rest of us sharpen our innuendo, and to keep our metaphors on their toes. Treat them as one might treat a bell at midnight—confusing, a little loud, but possibly warning of something deeper.